Jun. 24th, 2012

jamesthedog: (Default)
My aunt passed away yesterday morning. It still hasn't properly hit me yet. She'd been unwell for a while, but all this happened so fast.  She's one of the closest and most important people in my life and I'm never going to see her again, and it's going to take a long time to adjust to this.

Less than 6 weeks ago I went to the hospital with her and my mum to get the results of tests she'd had, and got the shocking news she had lung cancer. She already had COPD and she'd been unwell for a while, but we didn't expect this. It was terminal, but we all expected she had a fair bit of time left, a few months, maybe a year or so, we didn't expect her to go downhill so fast. While I was at Confuzzled, 4 weeks ago, she was taken into hospital and never came out.

It's hard to believe that only last Saturday she was walking round her hospital room, doing excercises in front of the window determined to "get well" so they could treat her (though we'd already been told she wouldn't be treated, though she didn't want to know. Though we were told she had 6-8 weeks left, we didn't think she'd be gone just over a week later).

The last week's been more heartbreaking than anything, just watching her go more and more downhill in such a short space of time. Friday, the last time I saw her, was heartbreaking, and I spent half an hour holding her hand, crying and telling her not to go. But she did.

And this is all down to smoking. My aunt was a lifelong smoker, I've always hated smoking, but I hate it even more now. Having lost my aunt before her time (she was only 66, which is no age to go), watching her health slowly go downhill, watching both her and my family suffer in the last few days of her life, it's totally horiffic, and I hope the tobacco companies are happy with the blood money they get from doing this to people.

I was planning on coming to the Sheffield meet next weekend, though I still can't guarantee I'll be there yet or not because of all this and how I was feeling. If I am there, I'll appreciate all the support I can get from any of you who are there as well.

I'm not in the mood just yet to properly sort out my plans for EF yet either. I posted an appeal for a roomie on UKFur but haven't read the thread back yet because I haven't felt like it, though I guess I'll have to over the next couple of days. And if anyone can help me out with travel plans, that would be much apprectiated too.

I just need all the hugs and cuddles and support I can get right now, this has been very difficult and heartbreaking for me, any support than can be offered will be much apprecated.

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jamesthedog

June 2012

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